Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
