My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
