I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
