Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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