I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
