im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
