I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
