when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
