She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
