Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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