No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
