I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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