If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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