What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
