Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
