shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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