Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
