dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
