I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
