I cannot find my penis.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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