Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
