thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
