Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
