Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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