we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
