I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
