The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
