ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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