I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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