I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
