Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
