His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
