all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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