All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
