Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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