i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
