well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
