I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
