So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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