did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
