Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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