I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
