I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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