life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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