my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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