Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
