I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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