I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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