My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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