I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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