I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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